Page of Cups: Shadow Ally

I have been having a helluva time trying to write this post or anything in general. I have been feeling frustrated, angry, and sad. I'm tired of participating in systems that do not share my values. I do not want to fund genocide. I'm angry that more people around me are not more angry about supporting oppressive systems. I am sad that I cannot do more. I feel helpless. My writing and tarot practices feel trite. My IG feed is either business-as-usual or graphic videos of war crimes. I'm struggling to find balance.

When I was younger I didn't understand the saying 'ignorance is bliss.' I thought why would you want to be ignorant? Ignorant people are dumb. As a child, I knew I was poor, but I also knew I was smart and I prided myself on it. It wasn't until I was in my 20s did I understand. I see ignorance in the people surrounding me. I live in the 3rd district in Wisconsin and we are represented by Derrick Van Orden. In 2022, my community voted for this person who was present at the Capitol riots on Jan 6 and is endorsed by Donald Trump. We are heading into an election year in the U.S. and I don't know if I am ready for it.

I am trying to stay hopeful and stave off bitterness. I can easily build up my walls and disassociate into my own delusions. Lately I have been speed building 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzles while listening to audiobooks. It is so soothing to take a jumbled mess and put it together to make a cohesive picture. If everything in life could be as succinct. I am trying not to feel guilty for being able to enjoy these simple pleasures. I am trying to balance feeling selfish vs. self-ful.

These oppressive systems didn't just occur overnight. They have been here for many years and it is going to take many years to dismantle them. We have to be in it for the long haul. Don't burnout into stagnation. Try to keep a sense of wonder that anything is possible. Keep filling my cup in ways that are meaningful to me. Even if that means writing about astrology and tarot.

Autumn signals descent into the absence of light as the sun wanes in the northern hemisphere. Cardinal Air Libra initiated the transition on the Autumn Equinox. The scale is tipped and our waking hours cross the threshold of darkness until the Winter Solstice. I am starting to feel the coziness of the season. We had our first snowfall on Samhain. The mornings are frosty. A layer of white glitter coats the bare tree branches.

Scorpio centers the season with Fixed Water. The waters of Scorpio are still, but run deep. An undertow. Something is simmering under the surface. Scorpio is a shapeshifter. I utilize the slowness of this season to shed skins and look into the shadow. As a Scorpio Rising, it feels intuitively natural to peel back the dead layers and crawl inside myself to find the bits I forgot about.

Witchcraft was my introduction to shadow work, but Carl Jung, an analytical psychologist, is given credit for the term. I did not discover Jung until I was deep into my solitary education. I wish I would have known this sooner because I don't think I would have been as frightened. My local metaphysical shop cloaked everything in mystery and unless I could attend beginner witchcraft classes every other weekend for 6 months, I would never know. The shop clerk warned me about practicing witchcraft alone and told me my powers would only grow if I was in a coven. It made me question if witchcraft was for me.

If you Google 'shadow work,' the results are a mix of witchy and mundane. The Cleveland Clinic is writing about shadow work. I see it as attempting to accept all the shitty parts I try to keep hidden. My jealousy, judgments, and competitive thoughts. These shitty parts have a way of floating to the surface no matter how far you think you have stuffed them down. I never attended those witchcraft classes, but traveled down many rabbit holes until I found what made sense for me. I found supportive witches who held the gate open.

Anytime you are learning something new, you experience confusion. When I feel confusion, I wonder what is the lesson here? What am I trying to learn right now? It can be beneficial to have a grounding guide during these times and for me that is tarot. Divination tarot spreads are fun, but I like to use specific tarot cards as guides. We are in the heart of Scorpio season and I need some sensitive, gentle encouragement. Page of Cups feels like the ideal ally.

I started my Pages of the tarot series a few months ago with the Page of Pentacles. Pages correspond with Earth and learning how to exist in the world. Page of Cups is mastering the embodiment of Water. Emotions, communication, dreams, inspiration. Being able to adapt to the present container and rising to meet the energy around them. Distinguishing intuition from anxiety, ego from subconscious, and desires from delusions. Page of Cups can help us approach shadow work with gentleness. They can be the benevolent ally when your inner saboteur is being a real asshole.

Birth chart correspondences for Page of Cups is Cancer- 4th house of foundational roots, Scorpio- 8th house of transformation, and Pisces- 12th house of liminality. These houses are polar opposites of the Earth houses, the realm of Page of Pentacles.

Polarities in the birth chart help to balance these aspects of ourselves. Earth needs Water for nourishments just as our bodies need senses, feelings, and emotions. Our bones and muscles rely on the hormonal and nervous systems for regulation. Contractility of the heart is a balance of flow and elements.

If cardiac muscle is Earth and blood flow is Water, the Frank-Starling Law requires a balance of both. The Frank-Starling Law states that the greater the stretch of the heart (the more it becomes filled with blood) the greater the force of contractility. However, if the heart becomes constantly overfilled, the heart muscles eventually weaken and contractility is diminished. Blood starts to backup into the lungs, liver, and lower extremities. These patients require diuretics to release excess water. Sometimes that is not enough and they need intravenous calcium and adrenaline hormone.

On the other hand, if there is lack of blood flow, then contractility also decreases. Sometimes the cup is empty and they need to add flow. These patients receive normal saline fluid boluses or blood products. Sometimes there is a blockage, like a thrombosis or plaque rupture, and they need to open this area. If flow is not restored, that part of the body will die. Homeostasis of the body requires harmonious equilibrium which is also true when looking at the birth chart.

If we become too cozy in our private 4th house, it may be difficult to see our highest path in the 10th house. It is easy to get lost in the liminality of the 12th house which may impair our self-care routines of the 6th house. Relying on the surface of our earthly resources of the 2nd house may interfere with deeper transmutation in the 8th house.

Page of Cups can teach us how to approach the world with more wonder. This Page is from the Silver Acorn Tarot and depicts a skeletal merperson holding a teacup containing a fish. The skeleton and fish tail representing Earth + Water. This Page seems to have ventured from the waves, focused on the conversation with the fish in their cup. Blue fabric flows from their hat like water and drapes down one arm. Connecting thoughts and emotions while also wearing them on your sleeve. There is an intuitive openness with this Page of Cups which is reminiscent of Pisces. This Page flows in and out of the waves with playful ease, happily chatting with animals, dreaming of all possibilities.

This Page can help nurture your shadow desires. The dreams which start to feel delusional when not given respect. If we totally dissolve into our imaginations, our dreams may dissociate from reality and we become stuck. Maybe I will never be a best selling author, but I have this blog with an intimate following. I nurture my dream of being a writer every time I return to my creative altar and writing desk.

Daughter of Horns from the Brady Tarot corresponds with Page of Cups. This is a female pronghorn balancing a cup of water made from the antler of a male pronghorn. Another symbol of balancing thoughts and emotions. Pronghorns are able to survive for many weeks on a single drop of water as they obtain their moisture from their plant diet. This card seems synchronous with Scorpio as Scorpions are also able to transmute their food into water. The Water of this card is charged with the intensity of the storm in the horizon. A storm may seem chaotic and destruction, but its rainfall is providing the desert with life.

Storms do not last forever and neither will strong emotions. Daughter of Horns may be an ally through the storm. Rachel Pollack writes this Daughter is "experiencing feelings without judgment, or a sense of obligation to do something about them." While it may be easier to run away or numb yourself, identifying and understanding your triggers may give them less power over you. Like the pronghorn, take what is deep inside and transmute it to serve you.

The New Moon in Scorpio is Nov 13. This is the first Scorpio New Moon since the lunar nodes have shifted. I am feeling adrift and my usual intention setting rituals feel a little vapid. I feel like the figure in this Page of Cups from the Celestine Mirage Tarot. The figure and cup appear to be suspended in time. The cup has slipped, but there is still time to reach for it before it hits the ground.

It feels safe to stay suspended, but we will soon be in the Fire of Sagittarius season. We honor my dearly departed father-in-law by expressing our fervor for Christmas, his favorite holiday. As a parent, I feel it is my duty to make this time of year magical for my children. We decorate 3 trees, put up a Christmas village, and bake endlessly. Providing them with acts of caring may be how I can release myself. The best thing my 22-year-old daughter ever said to me was that she had an easy, carefree childhood. I strive to continue this for my 9-year-old son and my own inner Page of Cups.

Resources not linked within the text:

Amanda Yates Garcia (2023) Between the Worlds podcast, episode 77: Page of Cups- How to Love Like an Octopus with guest Jonathan Koe

Kenner, Corrine (2021) Tarot and Astrology

Madame Pamita (2018) Magical Tarot