Queen of Swords: HBIC

The suit of the Swords corresponds with Air: thinking patterns, mindsets, and perspectives. In our anxiety ridden world, thoughts are often given a negative connotation. Advice is to “get out of your head” and “ground yourself,” which is beneficial when your thoughts are in a swirl pattern of constant clouded chaos. You jump from one funnel cloud to the next until their converge and you can feel it in your chest. Has anyone else used their Apple watch to make sure they aren’t in atrial fibrillation?

Air is all around us. Our thoughts are always with us. We can’t get away from it. This is an element we are forced to contend with.

As someone who is neurodivergent, sometimes it is my head that has saved me. Changing my thought patterns is how my Aquarius Sun shines. Gemini is my 8th house which keeps me inquisitive and able to adapt when faced with new information. I think this is how I keep an open mind and why I am so passionate about inclusivity. I have been focusing on changing the thought patterns about myself. At times I feel I am bordering on narcissism, but then I ask myself, would a narcissist be able to see that about themselves? Maybe RuPaul was right when he told Katya she was addicted to anxiety. Maybe I was addicted to negativity, pessimism, and anguish?

I first pulled the Queen of Swords when doing a spread about shadow work. This card appeared when I asked what part of myself was I rejecting. Then I asked how it was manifesting in my life and I pulled the Seven of Swords. I stopped pulling tarot for two months after that. I had been called out so hard by a deck of cards and I felt it in my guts. I had been lying to myself. It’s remarkable how the brain is capable of providing hiding places. I am talented at filling these spaces with shit I’d like to forget, covering them with a veil of denial. The cards were slapping me in the face with my clandestine behavior.

I had tried to bury these hindrances deep below the surface. The problem with that is they get stuck in your subconscious brain. Tapping into my intuition had raised them to the surface. All the little drops of alleged minor aggravations had swelled and rose into a tidal wave. I was about to be washed out. Seven of Swords can be about deception, sneaky behavior, and scheming. I felt my anxiety flaring up. My tarot cards had called me a liar and I felt like one. So I did what I do best and shut down. Didn’t touch my tarot cards for two months. I was miserable.

Queen of Swords alchemizes Water and Air. Like a breeze over the ocean. It may be strong and powerful crashing waves or it can be a gentle sea mist. They are able to keep their head above water to think clearly while being connected to the heart. I was disconnected from my heart. My brain was making me go through the motions, say the right things and keep up appearances. My heart was not in it. My inner Queen of Swords was out of balance with their shadow qualities weighing heavy.

In my introductory post about this series, Queens of the Tarot, I wrote about how I used abrasiveness as a defense mechanism. I wore my bitchiness on my exterior and made sure people knew I was not to be fucked with. I could be cutting. My tongue sharp. I used my sword to carve people. I can guarantee there are former classmates and coworkers who have some not so nice things to say about me. In my 20s, I was so focused on proving myself to the world. I was a young single mother, but I wasn’t going to let that set me back and I was going to make sure everyone knew it. The therapy axiom of “hurt people hurt people” was definitely true in my case. I was hurting, but I didn’t know what to do about it.

Going to therapy taught me how to soften myself. I found a safe space with my therapist. Having my feelings validated changed my perspective of myself and it started to change my relationships with other people. I started opening up to others about my mental health struggles. It’s amazing how just being an open container attracts others who need you. For better or worse, I definitely trauma bond with people. I have friends I never talk to until they have a crisis or they feel the need to spill a revelation. As a Scorpio Rising, I love the intimacy of deep dark secrets. And they know that I will keep their secrets safe with me.

I had built a very close friendship with another person based on our mutual substance abuse and disdain for our domestic lives. We were both numbing ourselves while spilling our guts to each other about how unhappy we were. We were coworkers and loved our jobs, but we were also rebels. We both questioned authority which got us in trouble. I was still in the shadow of my Queen of Swords and was starting to use my sharp tongue on the behalf of others. Our work environment was chaotic. The healthcare system we worked for was expanding and change was happening quickly. We both saw the mismanagement. We were going downhill and shit hits those on lowest levels first. I was almost fired, but I lucked out and found a new position before that could happen.

I realized I had stayed in that demoralizing position for so long because of my friend. I was hoping they would transfer to a different department like I did, but they decided to stay. Then we grew apart. I really started to focus on myself as the near firing shook me. Definitely felt like a scary Tower moment. Especially because I was just standing up for what was fair, but corporate healthcare managers don’t want to hear it. The doctors and patients appreciated me, but that’s not enough if you won’t bow down to micromanagers. All I wanted was communication and shared decision making, but they wanted autocracy. The foundation was rotting and I need to jump out of the Tower. I decided to further my education with the goal of becoming a nurse practitioner.

Therapy + Education = Clarity.

Before returning to school, I knew I was a really good nurse. Regardless of my disdain for the policies and protocols I was mandated to follow, I always did what was best for the patient. I would bend the rules and feign ignorance. I never felt I needed the addition of more letters behind my name to be competent. Unfortunately, the elitist world of healthcare doesn’t think that way. A doctor fresh out of med school has more authority than a nurse with 30 years of experience. In the real world, I have seen that new doctor ask the experienced RN what they should do, but I’ve rarely ever witnessed credit given. The wage gap is also outrageous.

The one thing I appreciated about completing my Bachelors of Nursing were my management courses. Learning how to think like a nurse manager helped me see how I was taken advantage of in the past. I knew something felt wrong, but I didn’t know how to put it into terms or take action. My former managers would use slick jargon that would confuse me. Reflecting back on different interactions, I wish I would have had this knowledge. I was manipulated and it makes me angry. I use this anger to fuel my purpose of making sure I always try to do the right thing.

Being armed with new knowledge helps to balance my Queen of Swords. Instead of lashing out at everyone, I direct my rage at the source. This Queen of Swords card depicts Princess Turandot from China. They cut off the heads of suitors who couldn’t answer their riddles. This is relatable content. I used to cut off anyone’s head who couldn’t keep up with me or got in my way. Through learning how to open their heart, Princess Turandot softens their approach. I learned how to get out of my head and see the blind spots.  My words and actions were misaligned with my values. I was keeping everyone at swords length away from me. Get too close and you get cut.

When the negative traits of the Queen of Swords are magnified, you might just be acting like a bitch. Your intentions may be right, but others will not hear what you are saying or appreciate what you are doing when you are being cutting. Sometimes heads do need to be chopped off, but make sure your target is the right one. Finding a balance between your head and heart will stabilize your core. When the Queen of Sword is balanced, they can be the thoughtful leader or teacher.

Queen of Swords corresponds with Libra and the 7th house of relationships and other people. Libra is Cardinal Air, initiating autumn, coinciding with the equinox, a day of equal day and night. Symbolized by the scales and ruled by Venus, Libra represents balance, harmony, and fairness. These are important values when dealing with other people and navigating relationships. The 7th house is the first house that peeks over the horizon. The self has traversed the first 6 houses and developed their internal world. This is the part of the birth chart when the self starts to interact with the external world.

I like this Queen of Swords for the portrayal of balance. They stand between 2 swords, light and dark, with their personal sword pointed down. This Queen of Swords is approachable, weighs the issues and makes decisions with their heart and head. It parallels Justice and Two of Swords. Justice corresponds with Libra and I resonate with this depiction as the blindfolded figure of Lady Justice raises the scales above the sword, a literal interpretation of Justice is blind. Lady Justice or Justitia is the Roman equivalent for the Egyptian deity Maat who weighed the hearts of the dead, deciding their eternal fate. Their swords is also grounded. Another reminder to get out of our heads and weigh all the elements equally. The figure in the Two of Swords, which corresponds with Moon in Libra, is also blindfolded, relying on intuition with the swords they hold representing decisions. The Moon graces Libra with the gift of reflection, but how long can this figure hold up those swords before they cut off their own head?

I realized I could no longer hold up my swords. It was exhausting. I made the choice to put them down. I consider myself a reformed bitch. The word bitch carries power for some people, but it can be my weakness. My neurodivergent brain struggles with balance and I am a person of extremes. I embraced being a bitch when I was a teen, before I possessed the knowledge to finesse the art of being a bitch. Oppositional behavior without purpose. It was me against everyone else. As I have aged and gained life experience, I have realized that I need focused antagonism. My current targets seem endless and daunting. It feels impossible to fully care about the many injustices in our world. Much of it boils down to late stage capitalism and staunch individualism. I am here as a reformed bitch to build community and lift others up.

Ultimately, I think the Queen of Swords is the Head Bitch in Charge. They are the saged crone. They carry the wisdom that accompanies rich life experiences, profound contemplation, and heartfelt interconnection. Honestly, I feel more like the Page of Swords. Intensely curious and eager to learn everything I can about astrology, tarot, art, storytelling, history…. Pages are often associated with youth and I am channeling my inner child this Leo season. My inner creativity center which has brought me much joy and pleasure. I don’t really want to be in charge of anything right now, except what nourishes this center. Maybe one day I will grow up, but hopefully not soon. Until then I look to the Queen of Swords mentors in life.

Very That with Delta and Raja features 2 Air Suns and drag performers, Raja (Gemini) and Delta Work (Aquarius). This podcast ran from 2020-2022 and got me through the heart of the pandemic. There are many nuggets of wisdom interlaced in the witty banter between these 2 Queens and long time friends. Delta is now thriving solo on Very Delta as Raja is taking a break.

Stevie Nicks is undeniably a wise crone and Queen of Swords with her Gemini Sun and Mercury. I share a birth year with her first solo album Bella Donna which was my after school teenage therapy. I continue to return this album and Stevie’s voice and lyrics still resonate 20+ years later. AHS: Coven and Apocalypse are part of my self-care and I rewatch them whenever I need some fun, campy restoration. She has been accused of witchcraft in the past which scared her into hiding herself. This link takes you to an interview about her apprehension about taking the role and dealing with the witchcraft accusations. “I got mad. I went back to black.” Sage advice from a true Queen of Swords.

I included an homage to the Queen of Swords of the 2000s golden age of reality TV, Tiffany Pollard, the original HBIC. Don’t take life too seriously. I hope your summer is filled with continued bliss and amusement!