Queen of Wands: Bearer of Fire

The first time I pulled the Queen of Wands was October 2022 eclipse season. This card was the answer for ‘what potential am I being pushed to fulfill this eclipse season.’ The lunar nodes have been on the Taurus/Scorpio axis for the past 18 months. The South Node of past is in Scorpio, my 1st house of self and identity. It has been an invitation to clean my 1st house and get rid of what just isn’t me anymore. Since learning I am a Scorpio Rising, I have been fostering my powers of transformation. Prior to this I mainly used my stinger for defense. Now I have learned to shield, shed, and cleanse. Keeping my exoskeleton barriered, but pliable, remaining a soft, flowing container.

Queen of Wands felt like the perfect mentor. This Queen of Wands is the Hawaiian volcanic deity Pele. They control the volcanic activity and the flows of lava. Lava is fire that behaves like water, like the Queen of Wands is Water + Fire. While volcanic explosions may be disruptive, they also nourish the earth. Pele knows you have to fuck some shit up to make changes for the better. I made her my phone wallpaper for eclipse season. I’d pull her out of my pocket at work as a reminder to remain in control. Sometimes it was to stand up for myself and other times not to erupt. The card lived on my bedside altar and I awoke to their energy each day.

My eclipse season was restorative and I feel I emerged ethereally, shedding many masks and skins. I realized how much I had advanced on the Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio on May 5. I am afflicted with social anxiety that manifests as selective mutism. When I am in the spotlight, I tend to freeze. I used to overcome this by trying to mirror other people to fit in, wearing many masks. It is also what contributed to my misuse of alcohol as a social lubricant. I made the decision to improve my social anxiety by building my self-confidence and searching for other like-minded individuals. I found the Missing Witches coven this past spring. On May 5, I attended a Weavers Circle and was able to speak freely without fear of judgment. Risa and Amy have carefully curated a safe space in which I feel comfortable to unmask. I’m not sure if I would have been able to be my authentic self without the guidance of the Queen of Wands.

Queen of Wands is a badass. Of all the tarot Queens, this one seems passionate, engaged, and active. They create their own destiny. In the Brady Tarot, this Queen is Mother of Feathers which depicts a greater prairie chicken holding a fiery sprig of Indian paintbrush. Rachel Pollack writes: “She doesn’t need to prove anything, or to go out and conquer. She doesn’t need to subdue or control anyone. She is the Mother of Fire, and that is more than enough.” No unnecessary intimidation tactics. Power is not gained through obstruction of others. This Queen’s fire burns from an internal source.

The lunar nodes are shifting to the Aries/Libra axis on July 17. The North Node of future is moving into Aries, Cardinal Fire, the initiator of the zodiac. Ruling the 1st house of identity, Aries is about the self. The next 18 months or so will be a call to experience more in your Aries house. Some astrologers associate the North Node with karmic destiny. According to Chaweon Koo in her book Spell Bound, the etymology of karma is from India and means action: “the effect of all your actions (both good and bad).” My natal North Node is in my Leo 10th house which has been an area of conflict in my birth chart. I wrote about it for the Missing Witches zine. With the Sun moving into Leo on July 22, ardent Queen of Wands may be the motivator we need right now.

Queen of Wands corresponds with Aries, but is suitable for any Fire sign. This Queen from the Mystical Medleys deck by Gary Hall appears to be a matured version of the figure from Strength, which corresponds to Leo. They have actually tamed two lions. They are a pilot now. They have been around the world and know what’s up. This knowledge with a mix of intuitive confidence guides their ambitions. They have also been through some shit which has made them stronger. This is a Queen connected to their intuition and shadow side.

***Spoilers for Game of Thrones TV show ahead***

In pop culture, I relate the story of Sansa Stark from Game of Thrones to the Queen of Wands. Sansa is fiery and passionate from a young age. She thinks she knows what she wants her life to be like. She is impulsive, impatient, and impetuous. Her dreams come true when she is betrothed to a king, but when that king is Joffrey and your in-laws are the Lannisters…

She forges ahead, but it is not what she expected. She so desperately wanted to escape the North and her family, searching for something better. Through many dark experiences, she is broken down, but never broken. Her inner fire never dies, but is tempered through these traumas. Through embracing her shadow side, she rises as her own authority figure. Setting the dogs loose on Ramsey Bolton was Sansa embracing her shadow and stepping into her authority. In the GoT world, death is the acceptable way to deal with your enemies. It was not until she went through all the shit that she figured out how to use her shadow side. In the end she rises as the Queen of the North, a queen who has experienced fire and ice, a Queen of Wands.

This Queen uses their values to guide your thoughts and actions. When you know something is the right thing to do, do you do it, regardless of what the consequences may be? Do you trust your instincts? When Sansa and Theon jumped into the mists below Winterfell, unable to see where they may land, this is Queen of Wands energy. They had to escape or face the wrath of a sadistic Ramsay. Sansa trusted her instincts and they successfully leapt into the unknown. As an introvert with an Air dominant birth chart, I need to harness this essence to build up my Aries and Leo houses.

***End of spoilers***

Aries corresponds to the Emperor in the Major Arcana which makes the Queen of Wands part of this tarot constellation. As the 4 of the Major Arcana, the Emperor represents stability. They follow the Empress who cultivates the Fool’s internal development. The Emperor then teaches the Fool how to step into their own power. This card can be associated with leadership, discipline and authority. As a rebellious Aquarian Sun, Emperor energy did not resonate with me. The archetype of the disciplinarian conjures images of punishment, restriction, and inhibition. Yuck.

I want to float like air, flow like my watery Scorpio Rising. As much as this feels liberating to me, I have realized that I do need some structure or I can spiral out of control. For many years, I was aimless. On the outside it appeared I had my shit together. I’m married to an amazing man with an amazing family. I have a financially stable career. Two healthy children and a sweetie-petitie mini-pittie doggo. Then why was I drinking 1-2 bottles of wine every night? Why was I constantly numbing myself with distractions? Did I really have my shit together or was I just very good at collecting societal norms?

My desire to be an uncontrollable flow, nonconforming to society, was becoming a hindrance. I thought I was being a free spirit, but I was really a chaotic spirit. I had accomplished what I wanted through my own unconventional ways and it had worked. It was ICU nursing during the COVID-19 pandemic that pushed me over the edge. It was difficult to find meaning in my career when our normal interventions would fail. Nothing we did helped these patients. It was truly soul crushing especially when this was preventable and I was actively caring for people who denied the existence of COVID. We had patients cursing us out in their final breath before we intubated them. For most of them, it would be the last thing they ever said because they died. In my 20 bed ICU, 5-6 patients would die per shift and their beds would be filled before their bodies were cold.

This continued for months. For lack of better terms, it fucking sucked. My life didn’t change during the pandemic. You can’t ICU nurse over Zoom. My husband is also a nurse so we neither of us worked from home. Our son did not receive adequate homeschooling because of this and his own neurodivergent and mental health issues had grown. By Nov 2021, I was done. I booked a solo trip to California for Jan 2022 to just get away from it all. Get lost in the hills of Malibu and waves of the Pacific Ocean. In those ocean waves, I think I found what was lost.

After that trip, I decided to study witchcraft. Just pick it up like a hobby. Seemed like a natural fit with my black aesthetic and penchant for Halloween. I had taught myself how to knit when I was child so it would be like that, right? Well, wrong-ish, but it is what I was looking for my whole life. It was a way to channel my quirky, weird self. One cannot survive on Air and Water alone. I found I needed a wealth of Earth grounding, but also Fire to reignite that spark. My spark had been dulled by N95 masks, anti-vaxxers, and the racially charged summer of 2020. Queen of Wands, as one of my first tarot mentors, helped me relight that spark.

Lately, I have been pulling the Emperor and it has been bringing back antiquated thoughts of a patriarchal disciplinarian. My aversion to authority is still very much alive in me. Authority is not only synonymous with disciplinarianism and I have been expanding my mind beyond oppression. I am learning to step into my own convictions through the influence of others that I admire. These figures are the authority on my interests and passions— astrology, tarot, writing, story telling. Tapping into the brightness and creativity of Leo season to channel my Queen of Wands, Bearer of Fire, and emerge as the Emperor, the authority of me.