To Be Real
I did it! I successfully avoided summertime sadness for the first time in 2 years. After a truly miserable Oct, Nov, & Dec 2023, I really focused on seeking joy for 2024. Tarot comforted me in my misery so leaned into my 2024 cards. It's a collective Strength year and my personal card is the Wheel of Fortune. I decided to build the gentle courage to let go of the Wheel. Cultivate quiet confidence, transform my illusions of control, and trust in going with the flow.
It worked.
I chose solitude. I drastically cut down my use of social media. After a few weeks I realized social media was telling me there is something wrong with me. So many influencers capitalizing on insecurities.
There is nothing wrong with me.
Fuck self-improvement. Embrace self-acceptance.
I left many online communities and focused on my IRL community. Once I left the echo chamber of the algorithm, I realized how self-righteous I had become. Being with others that I disagree with has fostered more acceptance of others and myself. Ironically, it is an IG post by poet laureate Andrea Gibson that perfectly encapsulates how I feel.
I have developed my creative practices since stopping my graduate school program. My past misery was partially due to grieving my dreams of being a nurse practitioner with a private practice. The deeper I got into the program the more I realized I would never be able to have the practice I desired due to our current systems. I also didn’t realize I was burned out.
The past two summers I spent my time juggling clinical rotations, writing papers, working night shift, and my family. Maybe that's why I had the summertime sadness? This summer all I gotta do is work and entertain my easy going 10-year-old son. Most of my days have been spent in some artistic pursuit. Currently I am working on an altered book using a 1910 A-C encyclopedia I thrifted.
🌟Summer 2024 Starlights
🌟Witnessing the irises we planted last fall bloom for the first time. More heirloom transplants from my husband’s aunt Sarah. I love and admire Sarah for leaving the Catholic church after being devout for over 40 years. The catalyst were her 2 queer children and the hateful views of her former parish. She’s also a badass fellow nurse and an amazing quilter.
🌟Spending my days off with my sweetie-petitey-itty-bitty-pitty Allie. She loves to sprawl out on the cool floor after returning from sunbathing on the deck.
🌟Short trip to Chicago with my son Finn. We took the Amtrak train, went to an immersive Titanic experience and the Field Museum.
🌟We went to South Dakota for our annual summer family vacation. We road tripped for 10 hours to reach the Black Hills National Forest. We were able to see the Crazy Horse Monument, stop at Wall Drug, and take scenic drives through Custer State Park and the Badlands. We did go to Mount Rushmore which we used as an opportunity to explain the imperialist colonizer roots of America to Finn. In turn, he informed us about the unfinished room behind Lincoln's head he learned about on YouTube. I love my little history nerd.
Writing just hasn’t been my jam lately. Burnout from writing all those 20 page APA format papers? Probably. IDK. I’m not sure about the future of this project. The more inner peace I find in solitude, the less I feel the need to widely share myself. For whatever reason, I felt called back here today. TBD…